I love this one...
"Did you know that every 30 days it is necessary to clean the computer
screen from the inside? Many people ignore this fact and do not know
how. Manufacturers take advantage of this ignorance to increase their
sales. My IT guy shared this and said feel free to share with my
contacts this utility. To clean the screen from the inside, just click
this link."
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Zen and the art of pizza delivery
From the NPR series "This I believe" c. May 2005, emailed to me in June 2005.
**
*If I have one operating philosophy about life it is this: "Be cool to the
pizza delivery dude; it's good luck." Four principles guide the pizza dude
philosophy. *
*Principle 1: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in humility
and forgiveness. I let him cut me off in traffic, let him safely hit the
exit ramp from the left lane, let him forget to use his blinker without
extending any of my digits out the window or towards my horn because there
should be one moment in my harried life when a car may encroach or cut off
or pass and I let it go. Sometimes when I have become so certain of my
ownership of my lane, daring anyone to challenge me, the pizza dude speeds
by me in his rusted Chevette. His pizza light atop his car glowing like a
beacon reminds me to check myself as I flow through the world. After all,
the dude is delivering pizza to young and old, families and singletons, gays
and straights, blacks, whites and browns, rich and poor, vegetarians and
meat lovers alike. As he journeys, I give safe passage, practice restraint,
show courtesy, and contain my anger. *
*Principle 2: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in empathy.
Let's face it: We've all taken jobs just to have a job because some money is
better than none. I've held an assortment of these jobs and was grateful for
the paycheck that meant I didn't have to share my Cheerios with my cats. In
the big pizza wheel of life, sometimes you're the hot bubbly cheese and
sometimes you're the burnt crust. It's good to remember the fickle spinning
of that wheel.*
*Principle 3: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in honor and
it reminds me to honor honest work. Let me tell you something about these
dudes: They never took over a company and, as CEO, artificially inflated the
value of the stock and cashed out their own shares, bringing the company to
the brink of bankruptcy, resulting in 20,000 people losing their jobs while
the CEO builds a home the size of a luxury hotel. Rather, the dudes sleep
the sleep of the just.*
*Principle 4: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in equality.
My measurement as a human being, my worth, is the pride I take in performing
my job -- any job -- and the respect with which I treat others. I am the
equal of the world not because of the car I drive, the size of the TV I own,
the weight I can bench press, or the calculus equations I can solve. I am
the equal to all I meet because of the kindness in my heart. And it all
starts here -- with the pizza delivery dude.*
*Tip him well, friends and brethren, for that which you bestow freely and
willingly will bring you all the happy luck that a grateful universe knows
how to return.*
**
*If I have one operating philosophy about life it is this: "Be cool to the
pizza delivery dude; it's good luck." Four principles guide the pizza dude
philosophy. *
*Principle 1: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in humility
and forgiveness. I let him cut me off in traffic, let him safely hit the
exit ramp from the left lane, let him forget to use his blinker without
extending any of my digits out the window or towards my horn because there
should be one moment in my harried life when a car may encroach or cut off
or pass and I let it go. Sometimes when I have become so certain of my
ownership of my lane, daring anyone to challenge me, the pizza dude speeds
by me in his rusted Chevette. His pizza light atop his car glowing like a
beacon reminds me to check myself as I flow through the world. After all,
the dude is delivering pizza to young and old, families and singletons, gays
and straights, blacks, whites and browns, rich and poor, vegetarians and
meat lovers alike. As he journeys, I give safe passage, practice restraint,
show courtesy, and contain my anger. *
*Principle 2: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in empathy.
Let's face it: We've all taken jobs just to have a job because some money is
better than none. I've held an assortment of these jobs and was grateful for
the paycheck that meant I didn't have to share my Cheerios with my cats. In
the big pizza wheel of life, sometimes you're the hot bubbly cheese and
sometimes you're the burnt crust. It's good to remember the fickle spinning
of that wheel.*
*Principle 3: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in honor and
it reminds me to honor honest work. Let me tell you something about these
dudes: They never took over a company and, as CEO, artificially inflated the
value of the stock and cashed out their own shares, bringing the company to
the brink of bankruptcy, resulting in 20,000 people losing their jobs while
the CEO builds a home the size of a luxury hotel. Rather, the dudes sleep
the sleep of the just.*
*Principle 4: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in equality.
My measurement as a human being, my worth, is the pride I take in performing
my job -- any job -- and the respect with which I treat others. I am the
equal of the world not because of the car I drive, the size of the TV I own,
the weight I can bench press, or the calculus equations I can solve. I am
the equal to all I meet because of the kindness in my heart. And it all
starts here -- with the pizza delivery dude.*
*Tip him well, friends and brethren, for that which you bestow freely and
willingly will bring you all the happy luck that a grateful universe knows
how to return.*
Funny: the news.
Original email received 18 April 2005.
> >>1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
> >> 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the
>country.
> >> 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
> >>country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
> >> 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
> >>but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like
> >>their statistics shown in pie charts.
> >> 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running
>the
>
> >>country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to
>leave
>
> >>Southern California to do it.
> >> 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
> >>country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
> >> 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's
> >>running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat
> >>on the subway.
> >> 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running
>the
> >>country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while
> >>intoxicated.
> >> 9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country
> >>but need the baseball scores.
> >> 10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
>there
> >>is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose
>all
> >>that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
> >>handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be
>illegal
>
> >>aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they
>are
>
> >>not Republicans.
> >> 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
> >>grocery store.
> >> 12. None of these is read by the guy who is running the country into
> >>the ground
> >>1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
> >> 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the
>country.
> >> 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
> >>country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
> >> 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
> >>but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like
> >>their statistics shown in pie charts.
> >> 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running
>the
>
> >>country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to
>leave
>
> >>Southern California to do it.
> >> 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
> >>country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
> >> 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's
> >>running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat
> >>on the subway.
> >> 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running
>the
> >>country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while
> >>intoxicated.
> >> 9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country
> >>but need the baseball scores.
> >> 10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
>there
> >>is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose
>all
> >>that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
> >>handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be
>illegal
>
> >>aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they
>are
>
> >>not Republicans.
> >> 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
> >>grocery store.
> >> 12. None of these is read by the guy who is running the country into
> >>the ground
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Singles Ad
> > Singles Ad
> > Atlanta Journal
> >
> > Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant,
> > I am very good looking, a girl who loves to play, I love long walks
> > in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips,
> > cozy winter nights, lying by the fire, candlelight dinners will have
> > me eating out of your hand.
> >
> > I will be a the door when you get home from work wearing only what
> > nature gave me.
> > Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for daisy, I will be waiting.
> >
> > Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the......
> >
> > Atlanta humane society about an 8-week-old black Labrador Retriever.
> > Atlanta Journal
> >
> > Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant,
> > I am very good looking, a girl who loves to play, I love long walks
> > in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips,
> > cozy winter nights, lying by the fire, candlelight dinners will have
> > me eating out of your hand.
> >
> > I will be a the door when you get home from work wearing only what
> > nature gave me.
> > Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for daisy, I will be waiting.
> >
> > Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the......
> >
> > Atlanta humane society about an 8-week-old black Labrador Retriever.
Welcome! And the Mensa Dictionary.
So, I'm doing some purging... including my email inbox, with unread emails dating back to the mid-2000's. Firstly - let's all take a moment to be ohsoproud of me for finally gettin' this shiznit cleaned up. (YEAH go me thanks) Secondly - this blog is where I get to share the funny stuff with you, complete with the nostalgia of forwarding arrows and email formatting. Enjoy! :D
First up: The Mensa Dictionary
Sent to me in Jan of 2005
Begin forwarded message:
> The Washington Post's Style Mensa Invitational asked readers
> to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
> subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
>
> Here are this year's winners:
>
> Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
> lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
>
> Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>
> Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
> stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
> unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
> near future.
>
> Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
> renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite
> period.
>
> Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>
> Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
> and the person who doesn't get it.
>
> Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
> running late. !
>
> Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
>
> Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
> all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
> Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
>
> Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through
> the day consuming only things that are good for you.
>
> Glibido: All talk and no action.
>
> Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
> smarter when they come at you rapidly.
>
> Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
> after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
>
> Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
> gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be
> cast out.
>
> Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half
> a grub in the fruit you're eating.
First up: The Mensa Dictionary
Sent to me in Jan of 2005
Begin forwarded message:
> The Washington Post's Style Mensa Invitational asked readers
> to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
> subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
>
> Here are this year's winners:
>
> Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
> lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
>
> Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>
> Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
> stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
> unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
> near future.
>
> Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
> renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite
> period.
>
> Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>
> Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
> and the person who doesn't get it.
>
> Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
> running late. !
>
> Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
>
> Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
> all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
> Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
>
> Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through
> the day consuming only things that are good for you.
>
> Glibido: All talk and no action.
>
> Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
> smarter when they come at you rapidly.
>
> Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
> after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
>
> Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
> gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be
> cast out.
>
> Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half
> a grub in the fruit you're eating.
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